You Need New Sunglasses! Ten Reasons Why
1: Your Current Sunglasses Just Plain Suck
You smugly congratulated yourself on finding $20 sunglasses that you think are as good as $200 ones. Or you blindly whipped out the Amex for $500 sunglasses because you saw them on some bimbo in Us or because they sported the name of an Italian designer who makes nice shoes. But do you honestly think that the cheapo manufacturer or the cobbler from Milan does the lab work, conducts the R&D, and goes to the expense of buying the best materials to provide optical acuity in their shades? No way. Bad sunglasses are worse than placebo medicine. They give you the illusion of protection, but they’re actually damaging your eyes.
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2: You Look Ridiculous
If this is the look you want, go for it. Otherwise, get real sunglasses.
Still wearing slivery little shades from three years ago? Outré. Or grotesquely humongo, cringeworthy designer (or faux-designer) shades with dipsy-doodle temples, rhinestones, and leopard-print frames with bright gold logos? A good way to end up on some snarky blog post. As with clothing, price tags and good taste don’t necessarily tango.
3: You’re Obsessed With Fashion
Nothing wrong with that. But if you’re paying $350 or $400 for sunglasses from a maker of Italian handbags, you’re paying way too much for truly awful visual acuity. Trust me: You can look way sexy and less like a fashion slave by buying from a company that makes (duh) sunglasses. Like Maui Jim, Revo, Kaenon, Costa Del Mar, Oakley, Hobie…. They all have great fashion shades that are as pleasurable to look through as to look at.
4: Yours Aren’t Polarized
If you’re ever around glare coming off water, ice, or a long ribbon of highway, you want the oh-so-soothing effect of polarized sunglasses. Polarization acts likes mini blinds within your sunglasses to cut glare and give your eyes a well-needed rest. Naturally, there’s cheap polarization (basically, glued onto the lenses where it easily scratches off) and good polarization, which uses high-quality film embedded into the lenses. Good polarization adds to the cost of sunglasses. Meaning: Cheap polarized sunglasses are really cheap. Don’t bother.
5: Yours Are Hopelessly Scratched
Scratched lenses send your sunglasses stock plummeting. Yesterday’s pricy fashion shades, once scratched, might as well be gas-station sunglasses. Plastic lenses, especially cheap plastic lenses, are delicate. They scratch easily, and looking through scratchy sunglasses is painful. You may get used to it, but your eyes are straining. Better plastic lenses made of polycarbonate, NXT, or SR-39 (Kaenon’s proprietary material) are coated to resist scratching. But they can still get scratched. Replace your pitted shades with crisp new optics and the world will seem a better place. PS: Take better care next time! Use a case and a sunglass-specific lens cloth.
6: You Lost Yours
Bummer. Two suggestions: 1.) Buy better ones this time. People lose Timexes, not Rolexes. You’re more likely to lose bargain shades than a good pair of Maui Jims. 2.) Croakies.
7: Wrong Shades for the Job
Example: If the “job” is outdoor sports, you shouldn’t wear nice glass fashion lenses. They don’t wrap enough to provide peripheral protection, and an impact could shatter them and damage your eyes. Vice versa: Oakley Radar is a great model, but do you really want to rock the triathlete look on a stroll down Park Ave?
8: Yours Are Too Light
If you bought sunglasses with a delicate fashion tint as a fashion statement, that tint is probably too light to do you any good. The Ozzy Osbourne look makes about as much sense as, well, Ozzy Osbourne. If you take your vanity seriously, listen up: Your wimpy shades might transmit 50% or more of visible light. That’s way too much. Over time, all that squinting and straining can lead to permanent crow’s feet—huge, unsightly wrinkles radiating from the corners of your eyes down the length of your body. If that’s not enough to make you aghast, know that excess visible light also harms your night vision.
9: Yours Are Too Dark
If you bought cheapies at a discount store, they might be too dark. Your pupils are fighting to open widely enough for you to see—which is really bad if the lenses don’t provide 100% UV protection. Because as your pupils crank open, they invite the bad rays in with the good.
10: Yours Are Uncomfortable
Wearing so-called fashion sunglasses? You may like the look, but why suffer with such austere frames? Look for some comfort factors: nonslip rubber inserts at the temple ends and in the nosepiece; lightweight frames (big fashion pieces are absurdly heavy); adjustable nose pieces. Why should YOU have to adjust to the sunglasses? It should be the other way around.
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